New Atheist Camp (song)

Last summer (2007) my brother and I co-wrote a short musical review on behalf of The Old Stagers, an amateur dramatic society of which I am a member. This was performed after a play on two nights of a week-long run.

What really happened was that my brother was asked to write it and he enlisted my help. I was unable to come to the week of performances (during which The Epilogue, as it is called is rehearsed), and therefore I wouldn't be able to be in it, or contribute to its direction. So I was resistant. However, I said I would write 'a couple' of sketches. In the end I wrote one song, one sketch, and a bit of another sketch.

The song was a tribute to my atheistic interests. The Epilogue is supposed to be topical, and the 'New Atheists' were topical in 2006/7, so I thought I'd write a light-hearted, simple song about them.

In the final version my brother made (understandable) edits, and cut out Sam Harris' solo, both to shorten the skit and because he thought nobody would know who Sam Harris was (honestly!). However, I am posting here the full original text:

(Richard Dawkins only)
My name is Richard Dawkins
I’m sure you seen me talking
Evolutionary biology’s
What usually gets me squawking
But world events have pressed me
To skip and dance and sing
Of how religion’s naughty
And faith’s a silly thing

(All)
We are the New Atheists
We’re targeting the lay theist
To cunningly convince you
The Enlightenment’s the way, theist
We are the New Atheists
We’ll bait you with the weightiest
Verbal excitation
To inflame to the irateist!

(Sam Harris only)
My name is Sa-am Harris
My reputation’s garish
My book “The End of Faith” proclaims
Religion’s time to perish.
I’m young, I’m hip, I’m fashionable
As fits the philosophical.
I got designer polo-necks
From Ralph Lauren in Paris!

(All)
We are the New Atheists
We’re feisty and we’re gay, theists.
We’ve got a competition to see
Who can be the raciest.
We are the New Atheists,
Come on and have a play, theists.
Munch on our polemicals
And tell us who’s the tastiest!

(Christopher Hitchens only)
I am Christopher Hitchens
You’ll know me ’cos I’m bitchin’.
But secretly, the real me
Is just a cuddly kitten.
My rallying cry “God Is Not Great!”
Won’t pull a Muslim on a date.
But I bring clever techniques to
The bedroom and the kitchen.

(All)
We are the New Atheists
Our books are not the paciest
Meticulously worded to be
Un-indoctrinate-eist
We are the New Atheists
Our critics are the slatiest
But we remain determined
Undeterable-y matiest.

We are the New Atheists
Our books are not the paciest
Meticulously worded to be
Un-indoctrinate-eist.
We’ve come here to say, theist
That God has had its day, theist.
(Coda)
We don’t just have no faith in it...
We want to rub your face in it!

Tina Beattie epilogue

My conversation with Dr Tina Beattie over email continued after the first two, and got very interesting. It has paused because we both agreed that I would need to finish reading her book before it continued. I believe any transliteration of our conversation that I make here should wait until it's 'finished' too; plus I haven't asked her permission to make the conversation public, and I probably ought to. I have just finished reading Ayaan Hirsi Ali and am now reading her book, so hopefully I'll have something for the public soon.

I should say that page 63 of "The New Atheists" did not contain any admonishment of atheists for their pride or ridicule, but a reference to female genital stimulation. I was suitably amused...